Brown's Rant - 

Big-Ass SUV's Piss Me Off

Do you own an SUV? I know it's a personal question, 
and you may be thinking, "Why the hell is she asking 
this question?" but there is a point. People who own 
SUVs are scientifically proven to be insecure and 
suffer from intense feelings of inferiority. I read 
the scientific data, so don't get mad at me, get mad 
at all the scientists who've uncovered your dirty 
little secret. 

The real reason I’m asking the question is because 
today a woman in a white Avalanche (a fucking ugly 
SUV) lurched out in front of us. We were about 3.42 
seconds from crunching right into her, still 
screeching wildly on the damn brakes. 
     
Okay, I can deal with it. Sometimes you're just in a 
big hurry, and you have to compromise someone else's 
car (not to mention health) for your added thirty 
seconds of time. I guess it's okay, because we all 
know I've had my days.  
      
But about a minute and half later, we came up to this 
stop sign – SUV Lady had gone one way in a loop de 
loop sort of strip mall parking lot drive thing, and 
we had gone the other. It's one of those things where 
the people pulling off the highway don't stop, but 
those who want out do stop and wait their turn. A 
gentleman at the stop sign in front of us (who had 
the right of way) pulled out. Who would you guess was 
at the stop sign opposite him? You got it. None other 
than little Ms. Can'tholdmybritchesbecauseI'minabigassyanktogohomebitch 
pulls out and almost hits the guy! 
     
Jesus H. Christ Almighty!!! For shit's sake lady! We 
know you are late. We know you have some dire need to 
get home. Maybe your tampon's on fire or something. 
But could you please try and curb the desire to pull 
out and hit everyone you see with your big-ugly-ass 
white avalanche????!!!! You almost hit two different 
people within two minutes, and you are no faster for 
having done so.
     
Needless to say, I suggest we get rid of ALL damn 
SUVs. Do any of those SUV owners actually utilize 
the "off road capacities" or the "hauling abilities" 
that the SUVs are supposed to be used for? Do they 
really need to be driving two fucking tons of deadly 
weapon, when it is obvious that a good portion of 
them have some sort of psychological imbalance? Even 
without the inferiority complex, do we really need to 
put four-thousand pounds of steel into the hands of a 
damn moron who CAN'T drive??? 

Do we, as a society, needs SUVs? I think not. And 
besides... They are fucking ugly cars.

 - Brown