Brown's Rant -
Big-Ass SUV's Piss Me Off
Do you own an SUV? I know it's a personal question,
and you may be thinking, "Why the hell is she asking
this question?" but there is a point. People who own
SUVs are scientifically proven to be insecure and
suffer from intense feelings of inferiority. I read
the scientific data, so don't get mad at me, get mad
at all the scientists who've uncovered your dirty
The real reason I’m asking the question is because
today a woman in a white Avalanche (a fucking ugly
SUV) lurched out in front of us. We were about 3.42
seconds from crunching right into her, still
screeching wildly on the damn brakes.
Okay, I can deal with it. Sometimes you're just in a
big hurry, and you have to compromise someone else's
car (not to mention health) for your added thirty
seconds of time. I guess it's okay, because we all
know I've had my days.
But about a minute and half later, we came up to this
stop sign – SUV Lady had gone one way in a loop de
loop sort of strip mall parking lot drive thing, and
we had gone the other. It's one of those things where
the people pulling off the highway don't stop, but
those who want out do stop and wait their turn. A
gentleman at the stop sign in front of us (who had
the right of way) pulled out. Who would you guess was
at the stop sign opposite him? You got it. None other
than little Ms. Can'tholdmybritchesbecauseI'minabigassyanktogohomebitch
pulls out and almost hits the guy!
Jesus H. Christ Almighty!!! For shit's sake lady! We
know you are late. We know you have some dire need to
get home. Maybe your tampon's on fire or something.
But could you please try and curb the desire to pull
out and hit everyone you see with your big-ugly-ass
white avalanche????!!!! You almost hit two different
people within two minutes, and you are no faster for
having done so.
Needless to say, I suggest we get rid of ALL damn
SUVs. Do any of those SUV owners actually utilize
the "off road capacities" or the "hauling abilities"
that the SUVs are supposed to be used for? Do they
really need to be driving two fucking tons of deadly
weapon, when it is obvious that a good portion of
them have some sort of psychological imbalance? Even
without the inferiority complex, do we really need to
put four-thousand pounds of steel into the hands of a
damn moron who CAN'T drive???
Do we, as a society, needs SUVs? I think not. And
besides... They are fucking ugly cars.
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