Remember when cereal boxes were functional? I hate it when I try to
pour cereal out of a box, and the plastic bag that contains said cereal
inside the aforementioned box slides out into my bowl. ARG!

When I was a kid, I just poured the cereal right out of a cardboard box
and into our lead-glazed bowls. Nowdays I've got a plastic bag falling
into a plastic bowl. Great. A cereal condom.

You'd think with all the technology available, they could figure out a way
to affix the bag to the inside of the box, or make a box that didn't need
to have a plastic bag inside. And what's the deal with the plastic bag
anyway? Does it somehow make the cereal safer? Last time I checked,
plastic bags were dangerous, and supposed to be kept AWAY from
children. But now they include them with every box of Chocolate
Frosted Sugar Bombs, like its some sort of free surprise from the
Terri Schiavo Toy Company. Surprise! You're suffocating!

Speaking of death…I saw a headline that read "Counting the Dead
Difficult in Indonesea." Now I haven't read the article, but I'm pretty
sure I know why it's so tough. Indonesea is a very poor country. They
can not afford a large number system like we have in the USA. The
 Indonesian number system only goes up to seventeen and one-half.
Once they reach that number, they have to start over at 1.

This makes tabulating large quantities of things (i.e. the dead) very
difficult.

Here in America, we have as many numbers as we need. In fact,
we consider the number supply infinite. Every child in America can
count his fingers and toes without repeating old numbers for those
last three little piggies. Not so in Indonesea.

So please, conserve your numbers. If you have any unused numbers
lying around (your old cell phone number, box scores, whatever),
please donate them to the Indonesian Department of Tabulation.

It's for the children.

Cereal anyone?