Though the journey was funded with Spanish gold and
sailed with Spanish ships, it is the Italian Americans
who love today. Their cause for celebration is
twofold:
First – a fast-talking Italian convinced a Spanish
Queen to ignore hundreds of years of accepted
astronomy and math, and changed her mind about the
size of the planet. The queen was later quoted as
saying “I don’t know what happened. He was so loud. He
was waving his arms all over the place. I just gave
him the money to get him out of the palace before
something got broken.”
Second – the Italian government didn’t buy into the
plan. They listened politely. At the end of Columbus’s
pitch, a gentleman named Luigi mentioned that if Mr.
Columbus decided to sail west, he should try to avoid
giant land mass on which the Norse planted vineyards a
few hundred years earlier. Then a Sicilian named Guido
grabbed the intrepid explorer by the scruff of the
neck and tossed his silly ass out the door. This is
possibly the best decision an Italian governing body
has ever made.
Viva Italia!!
If you feel that this that I have belittled Spanish or
Italian people, please feel free to ask one of your
Native American friends for more fair account of
today’s history lesson.