I had to locate the air filter on my own, but it was very easy to change.
Now, at the ripe old age of 31, I still know damn little about what
goes
on under the hood. So when the battery of my truck died, I was pretty
excited. THIS was something I knew how to fix. I had TOOLS for this.
I was going to be a MAN.
I removed the battery with a minimum of pain. I only lost one socket
from my wrench set and took just two trips to Grand Auto to get the
right replacement. I was feeling good.
As dusk settled on the suburbs and the Good People in my neighborhood
were sitting down to dinner, I prepared to install my new battery.
An
old lady was walking her tiny, useless dog past me. Mightycat was
taking a catnap under the truck. The kid across the street was trying
to
look like he wasn’t taking bong hits.
I connected the first cable without incident. But when cable #2 hit
the
terminal, all Hell broke loose. A siren louder that God Himself exploded
in my face. I flew backwards out from under the hood, swearing all
the
way. Mightycat shot out from under the truck and went right for the
old
lady’s little fluff-dog.
The dog was aware of nothing but a giant orange cat running directly
towards it (a cat that sounded like a big, scary car alarm). The dog’s
tiny brain short-circuited and it tried to escape. Unfortunately, it
was
attached to a leash.
The sudden noise, the insane dog tearing her arm out of its socket and
the man jumping around screaming “jezuzfuckingchristshitgodDAMNitfuck”
were all too much for her to take. I think here brain overloaded too,
because she just stood there and stared at me for an uncomfortably
long time.
I hope she was wearing Depends.
Yes, the truck alarm armed itself when I connected the battery. No,
I didn’t have the remote handy. Yes, I eventually found the spare remote.
Yes, the batteries in the remote were dead. No, I couldn’t turn off
the
alarm. Yes, the stoner across the street nearly died laughing at the
scene.
Yes, I suck.