I took my brother to the area mall to go shopping on Saturday. I wasn't looking
to buy anything in particular...just kinda browsing like I usually do. Well...I
stopped to check out some new sunglasses at one of those $5.00 sunglasses
Unbeknownst to me, the vendor directly across the way was hard at work setting
up a makeshift airport. While I was admiring a pair of imitation Harley Davidson
sunglasses, I kept hearing this whirring sound overhead, but when I looked up, I
didn't see anything. At this point, I'm still oblivious to the Southpark Mall Intl.
Airport which is now going full swing; nor do I notice the small crowd of children
gathering to watch the free air show.
After finishing my purchase, I turned and decided to see what the commotion
was about. The plane monger was an Arabic guy who could barely speak a lick
of English. By now, more than 20 people had stopped to watch this ass clown
put several of these helicopters in the air at one time. He had them going all
over the place. He had at least 5 going at once.
You probably know the helicopters I'm talking about. They cost $10.00 a piece
and when they get shot out of this hand gizmo, they fly up and out and then
return to their owners hand automatically. Except there were a few of these plastic,
flying WMD's that were obviously lemons. Their automatic pilot feature no longer
One shot up to the third floor and then proceeded to crash land into the window
of a Zales jewelry store. Another nearly crashed and sunk into the gigantic
fountain that adorns the cathedral-like atrium of our mall, instead choosing to
land in the pretzel stand.
I'm standing there watching this cacophony of plastic insanity, laughing my ass
off while the kids start getting involved. Now there are close to a dozen of these
things flying this way and that. Most returned like they were made to...others
decided to launch their own campaign of terror. Women with strollers, bald men,
handicapped kids..it didn't matter..everyone within 100 feet of the place were
Then it happened....Whilst admiring this free spectacle, two copters met in mid-air,
sending each copter spiraling towards the ground. Since this collision took place
about 2 stories up and behind me, I paid it no mind...that is until one of these fatally
wounded birds clipped my ear and crashed into the sunglass stand taking
pairs of sunglasses with it.
The lady that ran the kiosk stomped over and started verbally abusing the helicopter
guy...who then decided to pack up his kiosk and take a very lengthy smoke break.
After thinking long and hard about it....I've decided to start my own business. I'm going
to open up a pellet gun store directly across from the helicopter stand. As a
demonstration of my weapons prowess, I will shoot down any object that flies in my
No-Fly Zone...including those damn $10.00 helicopters.
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