Gate 2 at Los Angeles Interspecies Airport isn’t like the other
gates. It’s a dank, windowless cell with a low ceiling and a vague
urine smell. It must be where Southwest Air puts the gate agents
it is ashamed of. Maybe they station them there as punishment
for extreme stupidity. Whatever it is, I was there. And I was
held
hostage by the Microphone Bimbo.
The Mic Bimbo was apparently a cheerleader prior to her career in
the passenger harassment industry. Like any good Rah Rah, she
didn’t let her ignorance of the game dampen her enthusiasm. And so
today, nearly a week after the Lakers eliminated the Kings from the
playoffs, the day of the first game in the championship series between
the Lakers and Nets, she shrieked into the microphone -
“Who is going to win tonight? Kings or Lakers? Kings? Noooooooo.
LAKERS! Wooo! Yay! Go Lakers!”
We Kings fans, still smarting from our horrifying loss, just rolled
our
eyes and let her wallow in ignorance. The Lakers fans, in contrast,
hooted and pumped their fists; their faces alight with an atavistic
pleasure usually seen in the dopey-eyed expression of a small dog
humping your leg.
The Mic Bimbo is really nothing compared to other, more loathsome
Laker fans. How about Marv Albert? Is there anything more irritating
than listening to this obnoxious little transvestite call a basketball
game?
If Hedo Turkolu sinks a thirty-footer, then Marv remarks that he “got
lucky on an ill-advised desperation shot.” But when Kobe takes it to
the hole, Marvelous Marv ejaculates, “Yes!!” with the
sort of enthusiasm
usually reserved for his weekly visit from the Manties*
delivery boy.
And if his idiot ravings weren’t enough, Mavin is coupled with another
Lakers worshiper – Bill Walton. The relentless stream of insipid
melodrama that he vomits forth in the guise of color commentary
actually causes me physical pain. It scares my cat, drives my dog from
the room and kills my goldfish. He gets paid for this?
I don’t know what kind of relationship these two asshats share
beyond exposing their mutual Laker fetish on network TV. But it
wouldn’t surprise me if they get together to re-enact "Pulp Fiction"
scenes. I can only hope that Bill is the one who wears the ball gag.
“Yes!!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note: for the love of God, tell ABC to dump Bill Walton before its
too late -
http://www.espn.go.com:80/abcsports/askabcsports/
* panties for men