I spent the last week trying to paint my home office. It hasn’t been
pretty. Or, rather, its been way too pretty. And that’s the
problem.
Every night, I came home from work and dedicated a few hours to
the project. And every night I went to bed worse off than I was before.
I was tired of the dirty white paint chipping off the walls, and I thought
that a really subtle organic green would be a nice change of pace.
So I
gathered a few hundred paint chips, and picked the lightest, most
subtle green I could find. It was called “Hint of Spring.” That’s a
nice
name isn’t it? Just what I wanted.
It went on well enough. It looked good when it was wet. It was just
a
hint of algae green. Perfect. But when it dried, it was waaaaaaaaaaay
different. My room didn’t look like an office. It looked like the inside
of Kermit the Frog’s ass. "Hint of Spring?" Try "Expose' of Amphibian
Muppet Butt."
Back to Home Despot I went. And there I picked a new hue of green.
This one was even more subtle. It was freakin’ white. It was only
green if you glanced at it out of the corner of your eye, then quickly
looked
away before the paint had time to notice. THIS was the color I was
after.
And so once again I masked of the room, tarped the new floor (yes,
I
installed a new floor THEN painted. Why do you ask?) and began
applying paint to wall. And once again, it went on well. It looked
nice
when it was wet. But when it dried…Goodbye muppet-butt, hello,
neon mint-chip ice cream.
Great. So now I’d painted the room twice. And it still sucked. To make
matters worse, the brown trim (a color that actually looked good with
the
Kermit-bunghole surprise color) looked like caramel baby-crap next
to
the neon mint paint. My office is now mint-crap.
Next time I’m painting the whole thing black. Walls. Ceiling. Floor.
Windows. EVERYTHING.