Tips for Salesdicks
The Missus and I have been
shopping for a few high-ticket
items
lately, and I am utterly amazed at the way salesmen (yes, they
have all been men) treat my wife. What is up with this?
Attention salespeople of the world: If you wish to sell your wares to
my household, I strongly suggest you take note of the following
guidelines:
Do not insist on speaking with “the man of the house.” My wife is
fully capable of making decisions, even decisions involving (gasp!)
money. If you don’t want to deal with my wife, I don’t want to deal
with you.
If you are invited into our home to make your pitch, do not treat my
wife like your personal servant. Rattling the ice in your glass in her
direction to indicate that you would like more water will not endear
you to anybody making a purchasing decision.
Do not treat my wife like she is stupid. She is, in fact, smarter than
you are. If you don’t believe me, let me ask you something – Who
has figured out how to enjoy her house in the afternoon, free from
the burdens of employment; and who is sweating it out in a suit?
How many college degrees do you have…three? Are you fluent
in a couple of languages? No? Then YOU are the stupid one, stupid.
Do not belittle women during your pitch. Your effort to sell the
Dodge over the Ford failed miserably when puked out this line –
“No offense, but Ford is a girl’s truck.” Hey dipshit, the truck is
FOR the girl.
If my wife starts busting your balls, do not attempt impromptu
male-bonding with me. You won’t go around her by giving me
a knowing smirk, rolling your eyes and saying “women!” Who’s
side do you think I’m going to take – the beautiful woman who
may give me red-hot monkey-woowoo, or the polyester-clad
salesguy?
Don’t pitch me. Pitch HER. Sure, I write the checks, but I write
them for things SHE wants. Either treat her with respect, or shut
your noise-tube, shit-weasel.
- Back - -Home -