Why can’t I buy anything anymore without being
assaulted by
audio crap? Is EZ-listening garbage pumped into
every retail
outlet in America now?
Its gotten so bad that I can’t even buy gasoline
in peace. Who is
the marketing genius who decided that I’d buy
MORE gasoline if
I heard Kenny G’s rendition of Stairway to Heaven
while I fill my
tank? Am I supposed to come back early for my
next fill-up, hoping
to hear Black Dog?
Shopping is painful enough for me without enduring
We Built This
City (On Rock & Roll) squeaking out of a
Casiotone. You want to
impress me? You want me to come back again real
soon? Dump the
Muzak and focus on carrying clothes that
fit my “non-standard body
type.”
I can’t be the only 5’7” 135 lb guy who needs
to get dressed on a
regular basis. Why not carry something in a small
size that doesn’t
have fucking Spongebob Squarepants on it?
Maybe I’m asking too much. Maybe bad music and
lousy selections
are crucial elements of your business plan. But
can you please do
something about your employees? Last time I checked,
we were
a recession. Jobs are supposed to be scarce.
So you’d think you’d
be a little more selective about who you hire.
I was at a computer store in a very affluent,
very Caucasian
neighborhood yesterday. Out of nowhere this skinny
white boy
started haranguing me like he’s Emenem.
“Hey yo, brah! You see my end cap? Its got a Sony
that craaaazy.
All RCA jacks on the front and shit.” He did
that palsied gangsta
thing with his hands, like Stephen Hawking doing
sign language.
What's that all about?
Listen, DJ Jazzy Dipshit, you are about as “inner
city” as I am
Eskimo. I bet if the “help” in your mansion
spoke that way, your
mum would fire him.
I don’t want to hear a symphonic medley of ABBA’s
greatest hits.
I don’t want to buy clothes that fall off my
skinny ass. And I don’t
want a craaaaaazy Sony.
Word.