As my dog got older and fatter, it became harder for her to jump
into the back of my truck. She approached it with the same enthusiasm
she always had, but she started coming in a little too low. The first
time she missed, it was funny. The look of total shock and
bewilderment on her face as she collided with the tailgate made
me laughed so hard I nearly puked.
But the second time she went full tilt boogie into the tailgate I
wasn’t nearly as amused. I was a little freaked out.
So I instituted a new truck routine for Doggy. She learned
to put her front paws on the edge of the tailgate, and I’d hoist
her in by the back legs. This worked well for a long time…until…
(I can barely bring myself to talk about this)
…until the day she forgot the routine. I don’t know why,
but instead of patiently waiting for me, she launched herself
high and hard at the back of the truck as soon as the tailgate
dropped. Alarmed, I reached out to catch her, to save her,
to shove her silly ass in if she were to fall. My hand shot out,
and in one swift motion I shoved my thumb right up my airborne
dog’s butthole.
I don't know which was worse; violating my dog's butt, or the
look she gave me afterwards.