United Airlines wants $500 to fly me round trip - Sacramento
to DC. If I only want a one-way ticket, the price jumps to
$1000. Thats twice the cost for half the service. Is it any
wonder this airline is careening towards bankruptcy?
I tried to explain the folly of this price structure to the United
agent on the phone, but she refused to acknowledge my wisdom.
Look, I pontificated, if you sell tires, you dont price four tires
for $100 and one tire for $400. Thats totally backwards. Try
making that pitch to your average tire-buying consumer and hes
going to bounce his lug-nuts off your chin.
Maybe she was too busy visualizing the whole lug-nuts/chin thing,
because she didnt respond right away.
So I got down off my soapbox and asked for the round-trip
ticket. I figured Id just use one half of it then bail on the trip home.
I mean, its not like the Untied Ticket Cops are going to bust down
my door and force me onto a plane.
I asked nicely. I said please.
Sorry, sir. I cant do that. I suspect you are planning on only
using half the ticket.
Now here was a new wrinkle. United wouldnt let me buy a ticket
because they were afraid I wouldnt fully utilize it. What planet are
these people from? Can you imagine if this was the business model
for other industries?
Listen to me, people. Do not let Congress give these pig-ignorant
Sorry, mister. I cant sell your old ass this Happy Meal. I suspect
that you might not play with the included collectors-edition Pokemon
fruit-scented Gel Pen.
Sorry, city-boy. I cant sell you this Ford F-5000 Envirocrusher
SUV. I get the feeling you wont utilize the compound low gearing to
navigate slippery off-road terrain.
Tough luck, doublestuff. One look at your giant ass and tiny-little
stick-arms tells me that theres no way you are ever going to do all
470 possible strengthening and toning exercises with the Nordic-Traq
Bowflex Deluxe. Keep your money.
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