My bad morning by Moose
I woke up at 6:30 this morning..the sun shining right on my face. I didnt have to get up till 7:30. Damn sun...I finally mustered the strength to get out of bed at 7:00. At least I had the time to eat a good breakfast this morning, bagel and juice instead of just a bagel.
The drive to work was slower than usual, and the road seemed littered with more bad drivers than usual. Then I passed the short yellow school bus. I didnt really pay it much notice till something caught my eye..a midget.
He was looking at me, smiling, and waving. At first I thought he was a small child, but when I noticed the rest of the passengers were adults, it hit me..a Carney!! You know them...small hands...smell like cabbage. He had a look in his eyes like he wanted to bite my ankles. I got off my exit and kindly smiled at the wee man.
I continued my drive down Clague Rd. and as I pulled in to the driveway at the dealership, I must've misjudged the turn as there was a hole in the road. I missed the pothole from hell, but hit the curb. Fortunately, I drive a truck that has decent ground clearance. Unfortunately, I was holding a cup of coffee. Said coffee spilled on my lower legs and all over the floor. Said coffee was piping hot. I screamed..I said VERY bad words. And since my window was down, I observed several people in the parking lot staring in horror at the stream of profanity that was spewing from my mouth. The sky turned black and the sun went back down. I was kidding about that last part, but it seemed appropriate.
That was 2 hours ago. I'm sitting at my desk now writing this. My legs still hurt, my pants are still damp, and I'm still pissed. I've made the following observations:
1. I miss morning sex
2. Midgets still scare the hell outta me
3. Never try to drink coffee and drive a stick shift
4. See observation number one
5. I think I may sue the Sunoco station...hey, it worked for that lady at McDonalds. I can understand that the coffee is hot, but this coffee was PIPING hot. Served by the devil himself.
6. Thank God I was wearing dark pants.
-Moose